Single Girl in the Middle

Single girl in the middle—that’s exactly where I found myself on Valentine’s Day. I was sandwiched between Courtney’s sweet flower bouquet and Tracie’s chocolate covered strawberries. Yikes! Suddenly, I wasn’t just a single girl…I was an especially single girl. In that moment I felt lonely, incomplete, and insufficient. Basically, not enough as is. However, a quick spot-check, known as the tenth step of recovery, quickly stopped the self-pity express. No amount of chocolate, flowers, diamonds, or even affection will fill the void in my soul. That space is only satisfied with God. As I meditated it became clear that I do […]

One Bad Run

According to someone on Pinterest, “Even a bad run is better than no run at all.” Obviously this person neither suffers from alcoholism nor perfectionism. Four weeks into training for my first ever ½ marathon, I experienced my first “bad” run. The stage was set for the perfect five-mile run: sunny day, picturesque country road, and the necessary endurance. One mile into the run, BAMMM! I was tired. The road too hilly. Hot. Songs weren’t right. Bored. Not enough food in my belly. I stopped running at mile three and chalked the entire run up as a failure. Negative thoughts […]

Fear, Mad Men and Cowboy Boots: Leading a Sober Life

Cowboy boots are empowering. At the very least, they are somewhat symbolic of my acceptance into the realm of sobriety. It wasn’t until I was surrounded by a group of strong, happy women in Texas that I began to change my concept of what long-term sobriety could look like. Until that point, my resistance and fear could be attributed to an image I had of sitting in a 12-step meeting while the rest of the world had fun. The very idea that I was having fun toward the end of my drinking is ridiculous enough, but even conceding that, the […]

The New Year’s dance and embracing a spiritual way of living

 Now that presents have been opened, gifts returned and trees dismantled, I suppose I should turn my thoughts to the new year—resolutions in particular. Like everyone else, I have made countless promises to myself over the years to lose those last ten pounds, color-coordinate my closet, spend less than $1825 at Starbucks in a year, read more intellectual books, like Don Quixote, go to therapy, so on and so on. Usually by February the backsliding has begun and by June I’ve settled back into my cozy routine with the resolution(s) on course to nowhere. Each failed resolution encapsulating a private […]

The neutral zone: Occupying a healthy space after alcohol addiction

According to the infamous Charlie Sheen, “You are either winning or losing—there’s nothing in between.” My recent experience says otherwise. Intellectually, I understand that resentment is the dubious luxury of normal men and women, but for me, the alcoholic, it is poison. Yet for about a month, I watched resentment fester and grow. I remained on the sidelines, hoping it would go away, and having preferences for exactly how that would happen. Only when the circumstance became unbearable, did I seek relief. I wrote some inventory. I put down on paper the resentment that was dominating my thinking—keeping me in […]

BRC Alumni Stories: Walk With Me

By Chris Thigpen, BRC Alumni 2011 I’ve been out of BRC for about four months and over that period of time I have been awake to the world around me. I take the bus up the street to work and daydream out the window. I see kids walking to school laughing and playing. I see single mothers with babies in their arms and empty stares in their eyes. I see homeless people with signs asking for money, weathered skin and frail bodies from a lifetime of abuse. Then I think about where I was headed a year ago. I can’t […]