The Family Afterward

Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous Appropriately titled The Family Afterward, the ninth chapter in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous begins to answer the first question I am asked by those surrounding their newly sober loved one. Now what? The alcoholic has begun their journey and the family is curious as to where to place their own energy and what role to play moving forward. This chapter applies to many beyond the scope of a family member. It could in fact be titled, “To Anyone Who Loves an Alcoholic.” The disease of alcoholism and addiction is so deeply rooted in […]

Fixing Myself, Part 1

You’ve discovered your loved one or friend is an alcoholic or addict—now what? For many people in that situation, their first reaction is, “What can I do to fix my alcoholic/addict?” I know that was my reaction, and I tried a lot of things that didn’t work: checking his trunk to see if he had bottles or cans stashed, drawing up agreements for him to sign, buying a breathalyzer, and the list goes on…. It took a while for me to figure out that I couldn’t “fix” my son. Instead, I needed to focus on fixing myself, because my son […]

Tears of God and Joy

Power you need! “Y’all I wanna tell you that God lives inside each and everyone of us! You have His power within you. And, you are responsible for your own happiness! You and you alone have the Power you need!” –Beyonce 🐝💙 I am a Beyonce fan. Like, a big Beyonce fan. As in, knowing I would be out of town the dates she was touring in Texas I flew to Atlanta to make sure I didn’t miss her Formation tour! Not going was not an option. I have always liked her music, admired her “girl power”, her rise to […]

The Power of Step 12

STEP 12 “We tried to carry this message to other alcoholics.” It still amazes me how this line from Step 12 carries so much power! We learn on pg. 89 of the Big Book, “that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics.” With long term sobriety being the goal for myself, I follow these instructions only to find that the real freedom is when I get to carry the message of hope to another alcoholic or drug addict. The key to my freedom today is being able to carry the message of recovery into hospitals […]

Ceased Fighting Anything or Anyone

“And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone – even alcohol” pg.84. This is one of my favorite lines from the Big Book.  I suppose I love it so much because it is one of those things that I struggle with on a daily basis.  While I have experienced the freedom born of my spiritual awakening that allowed me to stop fighting alcohol, I still battle daily to practice this principle in all my affairs.  As I continue to work on this lesson, I watch it play out daily in my relationships with self, with God, with my fellows, and […]

Life is a Privilege

Three years ago Three years ago, as I sat alone paralyzed by fear on yet another seedy motel bathroom floor, I was wondering why I had to experience a level of inexplicable internal pain for what seemed like so many years. The only explanation my besotted mind could believe was this suffering would one day be useful to someone else. I had heard for years that the solution to my self-centered condition was to “help someone else” or, “do something selfless for once in your life”. These notions seemed less than improbable to fill that seemingly insatiable hole within, that’s […]

A Parent’s Perspective: Finding Serenity

Your phone rings, you see your caller ID, and your stomach churns. You hear sirens and your blood runs cold. You wonder if your son or daughter, your loved one, is in trouble. Will you have to bail him out? Will you have to visit her in the hospital? Or worse? Or it might be other concerns, such as requests for money, help with childcare, or letting him move back in to your home. These questions, fears, and situations are often daily experiences for family members and friends of addicts. Those who love addicts may constantly live in “fight or […]

Change is Good and Other Irritating Grownup Sayings

Am I the only one who felt like 2016 was upon me before I was quite ready? My house was just beginning to smell and feel really Christmas-y when I looked up one day and the poinsettias were dried up, the cookies were stale, and it seemed like we were taking down the Christmas tree only a few days after it was put up. To be fair, last fall was a bit of a whirlwind. I sold my house, purchased and remodeled a new one, moved, traveled extensively, started practicing Bikram Yoga and all the while watched BRC Recovery grow […]