How many times in a day might you hear these words spoken? They become instinctual at times. These two words are an answer to your statement, confirmation that I heard what you said or my closing argument to your helpful suggestions. But what do they truly say? There is a man who once challenged me to remove them from my vocabulary. He repeated them back to me every single time I uttered them. I would leave the conversations wondering what the big deal was when I would simple say…I know.
What I understand today is that they are reflection of my ego. At any given point my constantly rebuilding ego would like to exert itself to the center focus of my being. The hub of my thoughts, my emotions and more importantly my actions. It was a manner in which I lived most of my life. Every thought was in an effort to gain a position of power, every emotion was a reaction to the fear of not receiving it and every action was an attempt to protect it at all cost.
“Instead of regarding ourselves as intelligent agents, spearheads of God’s ever advancing Creation, we agnostics and atheists chose to believe that our human intelligence was the last word, the alpha and the omega, the beginning and he end of all. Rather vain of us, wasn’t it?” (Big Book pg. 49)
When I read these words my ego would like me to discern that this was my belief system prior to having a spiritual experience. But is that the truth? The feeling is that I long ago laid aside old belief systems that advised me to worship logic above all else. But the fact remains that I wrestle with current agnosticism. Are there not areas of my life this very day that I would like to handle while allowing the Power of God to handle the others? Absolutely. When I wonder what areas those may be I simply have to listen for the identifying words that come barreling from my ego…I know.
One of the most powerful third step promises that continues to come true in my life is that I am reborn. This rebirth happens to me first spiritually and quickly followed mentally and physically. In order for my spirit to be reborn something must die. What must die is the idea that…I know.
Audrey Chapman
Business Development Specialist/Western Region
BRC Business Development Team
